I have been putting off blogging for a while. I have a tendency to speak what is on my mind and the repercussions can range anywhere from non-existent to catastrophic. What can I say, I like variety.
Present reactions aside, blogging also makes me nervous in general. As someone from a generation that helped coin the term “lurking”, I am familiar with the concept that what I write now will stick around for years, even if I do not want it to. This is where my big dilemma comes in- what percentage of thoughts am I allowed to voice and what percentage should I rein in for fear of past words popping up in a job interview or campaign down the line?
Most of what I enjoy discussing is going to fall in the controversial categories, even if I feel they are common sense. At this point in time, talking about gender and race politics, mental health stigma, and appropriation tends to start at the very least a debate if not a much more heated exchange. Even living in San Francisco I find myself having whispered conversations in public when I start talking about sexism and perceptions about institutional racism as to not draw in the ire of those nearby. But the more I have thought about it, the more I realize that when that job interview or campaign arrives, I am fine with people seeing my passions and evolution. I am not going to apologize any more for existing as an opinionated woman finding her confident stride. Which brings me back to why I decided to blog.
It is tiresome constantly monitoring what one chooses to say. I’m not saying this a free pass to spout whatever is in my mind without consequence; but as a woman, I realize how much I try to laugh, mummer, or even apologize when someone says something inappropriate to me. Instead of trying to brush off these interactions, I much rather explain my rationale and thought process in how I perceive what was said rather than being told I just need to get over myself. Engaging with others in this process helps me grow and further develop my viewpoints and positions on several issues. It also tends to make me more aware of issues that I haven’t dealt with due to my privilege.
All of this is to say my ultimate goal for this project is to present my expositions on a variety of topics. Note the ‘attempt’ caveat in the tagline of my site. I am never going to fully understand the impact of every topic on every person and I am okay with that. Part of accepting that, however, is also acknowledging the need to be open to the rationale and perceptions of others so I can understand their viewpoints. I can’t undergo the experiences in the lives of others, but I can and want to learn to be a better and more informed ally.